As a New Zealander living in France, I’ve noticed that the way that French people communicate is pretty different from New Zealanders. Leaving aside the obvious fact that, well, the languages are different, the ways in which people speak vary quite significantly too. Here’s a half-serious guide to how the communication styles differ.
Directness
French people are famously direct but they aren’t necessarily the most direct communicators in the world. In France, there’s much more of an emphasis placed on saying what you mean. This doesn’t mean that diplomacy and social niceties don’t exist, as of course they do. But when people have something on their mind, they’re not likely to sugarcoat it the way that native English speakers would.
I remember a colleague asking another colleague how he was. “Fine thanks, and you?” he said. “No, not at all,” she replied, and then explained what she was unhappy with.
I found the exchange interesting because no one would ever speak like that in New Zealand, where people tend to beat around the bush. Perhaps this is because in English, there seems to be a greater emphasis placed on softening words. For example, if a shopkeeper were asked if they sold Coke, the shopkeeper would probably say “Sorry”, but in French, a simple “non” would suffice. Such a blunt response would seem aggressive in English, but in French it’s simply a matter of fact, and a “sorry” would be unnecessary as there would be nothing to be genuinely sorry about.
Manners
French manners could be described as reciprocal. By that, I mean that if you’re polite to a French person, they’ll respond in kind; but if you’re rude — or you’re perceived as rude — they’ll respond rudely “as a matter of principle”.
This mentality can cause issues for tourists to France who may violate invisible social codes without realising it and then wonder why the people they meet seem so rude. In most circumstances, it’s simply just a case of cultural misunderstanding. French people insist on the importance of greeting one another with bonjour before launching into whatever they want to ask, but in lots of other cultures, such a greeting isn’t necessary. So tourists to France who ask strangers questions in English without greeting them may find themselves on the receiving end of a frosty response.
New Zealand manners can be better understood as being independent from the behaviour of one’s interlocutor. In other words, New Zealanders may act politely towards someone even if that someone is acting rudely towards them. Then, later on, they’ll probably badmouth that person to their friends. While they may not drop their guard during that unpleasant interaction, they’ll be rude about that person when they’re no longer in earshot.
Emotional expressiveness
Despite not being as emotionally expressive as their Latin cousins, French people are usually more than happy to show emotion in the moment. Flashes of anger aren’t unheard of, but neither is joy.
New Zealanders are famously proud of being “staunch” — that is to say, appearing tough and stoic. Very broadly, the only socially acceptable emotions are happiness and anger, although adjacent emotions are permissible in most cases.
New Zealanders just don’t “do” emotions very well, and so they try to bottle them up at all costs. This probably explains why road rage is such an issue in New Zealand. After repressing themselves for so long, New Zealanders have to let it all out behind the wheel as a means of restoring some sense of emotional equilibrium.
Diction
In France, at least among the middle and upper classes, a lot of emphasis is placed on being well-raised and well-learnt. What this means is that the use of sophisticated vocabulary is perfectly acceptable as a way to show that one is educated. Of course, using such words puts one at risk of appearing pretentious, but doing so is not a social faux pas as it is in New Zealand, where the imperative to not be a ‘tall poppy’ necessitates the use of simple words.
Regardless of one’s class, education level or cultural background, New Zealanders almost universally tend to use simple language in communication. The fear of appearing “up themselves” means that even university professors and other highly educated people would “dumb themselves down” as a way to fit in.
This also means that when New Zealanders have to talk in public or read a passage out loud, they’ll talk in a slow, monotonous and relatively emotionless manner that can make you question their intelligence. Of course, this is not to say that the speaker is dull; it’s just that people talk like drones out of custom due to the fear of appearing overly enthusiastic or superior to anyone else.
